Happy 29th Birthday Honey!!!
I don't think you read this, but if you do, I love you!
Anyways, on to the good stuff....
Last night I read something that made me
Anna, the blogger, lost her 12 year old son Jack is a freak flash-flood incident in September 2011. The rains and floods in the D.C. area were on the news a lot, and I remember hearing there were four casualties, but I didn't really pay it much attention. Now my heart swells with grief right alongside this courageous mother. She is a beautiful writer. So the post she wrote is about what to do with her deceased son's favorite belongings: the Legos he meticulously collected, the candy he held onto instead of gobbling up. This post was a wake-up call of sorts for me. Cherish. Every single moment. Even the ones where you're fighting the urge to throw the poopy diaper at your husband because you asked him to change the baby awhile ago and he kept procrastinating and then you realize he hasn't done it so you do it yourself and find the poop is drying to baby's bottom and you could just strangle husband. Or When your baby is climbing all over you in attempts to reach/play with your laptop while you're trying to write some deep thoughts down. Even though I want to scream in frustration right now, I won't. I'm forcing myself to think of the blessing that is My Child.
Getting into trouble with the strings on the mini-blinds. The kitty was very interested.
36 weeks, my last photo before he made his early entrance
I worried for a long time that I might not be able to conceive children. Josh and I have been married since Feb 04 and I was only on the pill for 8 months of our marriage. So, no babies from 04 to 08. Then I had a miscarriage in May 08, but it actually improved things for my body. I actually started ovulating regularly. Fast forward to July 10 and discovering I'm pregnant with Gabriel. Even though it came at a very hard time in my life I wouldn't change it for the world. This kid has brought a wonderful purpose to my life. I strive to better myself for him, because he's counting on me.
Although our society belittles the job of Stay at home Mom, I feel like it is what I am supposed to do. How could I go work a menial job somewhere, crunching numbers or doing paperwork, knowing that my son is needing my love and guidance? Even though we could use the money we're making due on just one salary. If something were to happen and I had to work I would HATE it. You only have these years once- who wants to spend it doing something so unimportant?
And ever since he's come along he's done something to me. He's turned me into a softie! I used to make fun of people who cry at Hallmark commercials and while watching Bambi. People who I thought were overly emotional. I subconsciously judged them for not having enough self control to keep it all in, dammnit. That's what I did, after all.
Well, things have certainly changed...
I literally fight from tearing up whenever I tell his birth story. I see something on TV that touches on that indescribable bond between parent and child and I stop, relate, then cry with gratitude, at all the blessings I have- my child is healthy, happy, and wonderful. And I don't know what I would do if something ever were to change. I can't imagine going through the horror of losing a child. In the second Lord of the Rings movie, the kind remarks with tears streaming down his cheeks, "a parent should never have to bury their child" If only we could wave a magic wand.
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