The Parenting Rules....

Before I had Gabriel (almost 10 months ago, btw!) there were a few rules of parenting that I SWORE I'd never break. So, um....I've broken some. Not all, mind you, but quite a few.

Background: Josh and I were living in Happy Valley, Utah when we got married at the super young age of 20/21. We spent the first 4 years of our marriage living there too. For those who don't know, Happy Valley is full of bleary-eyed parents with mini-vans full of kids. Lots of kids. Every place you go in that place, there's KIDS. Going to see Kill Bill at 11 o'clock at night? Yup, there's at least TWO families with children in their pajamas bouncing off the walls, all jacked up on Sour Patch Kids and Coke. Going on Date Night with your husband to a fancy restaurant (ok, to Olive Garden)? Kids, babies, and more kids. Let me just say there are more booster seats than stools at the bar.

Anyways, after witnessing so many horrific parenting faux-pas that I was sure my fallopian tubes tied themselves in silent protest (yes, Judgy McJudgerson, THAT'S why it took us 7 years of nookie to make us a baby....) I swore to myself there were certain things I would NEVER do when I had kids...let's take a look at how well that's going, shall we?

1. Never let my children run around the yard in just a diaper/underwear unless they are playing in the sprinklers. I currently have no plans on breaking this rule. But that could just be because it's 20 degrees outside. Although that doesn't stop some people....there's something oh so classy about having dirty toddlers in saggy diapers peppering your front yard. Word.

2. Never give my baby a bottle full of soda. Trust me: Eating at a Denny's at midnight (and never-you-mind what I'm doing at a Denny's at midnight) and seeing a dirty baby slouching in a highchair while "Mee-Maw" pours some of her Dr. Pepper into a bottle for baby --'cause Hey, it's free refills!-- then having said baby stare stupidly at you while gulping it down will, without a doubt scar you to the very depths of your soul. I also have not broken this one, and don't plan on it (with bottles going 'bye-bye' at 12 months, I only have a little over 2 months to go). Although Josh doesn't see what the big deal is he has respected my wishes and not done it. Probably because I would punch him in the nuts.

3. Never let your baby sleep in your bed. Because they WILL die of SIDS if you do it even once. This rule I felt very pressured to adopt when I was pregnant and reading tons of crap baby books. Of course SIDS is every parent's nightmare, but the way they scarescarescare the crap out of you in those books! No blankets in the crib. No loose clothing on the baby. No bumper in the crib. No stuffed animals, toys, or things with strings longer than 6 inches in the crib. Use a sleep positioner. Don't use a sleep positioner. Put them down on their backs. It goes on and on. So of course after reading every pregnancy and baby book I could find I was brainwashed into believing this rule. Well....Gabriel has spent every night of his life sleeping in our bed. Ok, sleeping and falling out of it. But just twice. :)  Some parents are scared to admit that they share a bed with their babies; others declare it proudly. Here's what I've learned:

There is a difference between SIDS and suffocation.  When a baby passes away and the coroner can't find a cause, they call it SIDS. If a baby suffocates on something (a blanket, pillow, mother's breast) then that is NOT SIDS. So I take this Rule with a grain of salt. I realized that when the baby is in my bed I am aware of his position. So we do ok. And I don't feel guilty. Don't get me wrong I was still terrified of SIDS for the first 6+ months of Gabe's life. Any time he napped too deeply I'd get this panicky feeling and check to see if he was breathing or even touch his cheek to see if it felt warm. I still do it occasionally, but I see him adjusting his position in his sleep and know he can do fine.

4. Introduce the sippy cup at 6 months so that you're baby is accustomed to it by the time he's ready to stop using the bottle. I read this advice when I was pregnant. It was in every book and on every hip mom information site. Makes sense, I thought. I dutifully went out and bought a variety of sippy cups (fortunately at a discount with coupons!) and waited for Gabriel to be old enough to use one....well.....you know what doesn't make sense? Expecting a 6 month-old to be able to use a sippy cup! They can't even walk but we expect them to be able to coordinate a sippy? Riiiiight.  In order to "acclimate" your 6 month old to a sippy you are required to sit there and put it up to their mouth. And all they will do is chew on it. Sure, you could even try to put their hands on the little handles (with ComfortGrip technology that's easy for little hands to grasp! Oh my!) and tilt it up to their mouths. But you're wasting your time. I threw this rule out the window after a few tries. I put the sippies back in the cupboard where they patiently waited for Gabriel to get a little older. I pulled a few back out a week ago. How's it going?, you ask? Well, Gabriel can hold those fancy shmancy handles by himself. Those handles that are easy for little hands to grasp! also make it easy for little hands to throw it to the floor. He still chews on the spout, too. You might as well just occassionally let the kiddo drink from your own glass. I think they catch on faster that way. Plus those No-Spill valves are great when they're older (I've heard...) but keep them in for the baby and they will never get the contents out. Your kid would have to have the suction of a Hoover.

5. If baby's toy, bottle, pacifier or food fall on the floor, don't give it back before washing it with soap and warm water. Yup, another gem from those mommy websites. Getting you all good and scared about germs. Put this advice into practice and you will spend your ENTIRE LIFE at the sink washing baby paraphernilia. I break this rule every chance I get. The only times I follow it are this: pacifier drops onto the floor at a public place (parking lot, mall, doctor's office). WASH. Although if it doesn't drop nipple-down I have been known to do the shirt-wipe then plug it back in his mouth. If we're at home this rule doesn't exist. Everything we own is on the floor. Everything. Plus when your baby reaches 9 or so months they will learn the "if I drop something Mommy or Daddy will pick it back up for me" game. Mmmm, fun indeed. Gabriel is thrilled with this discovery and right now my kitchen floor is covered in Cheerios. And you bet your bottoms I put those Cheerios right back on his tray. If I didn't? We'd go through a BOX A DAY.

6. You are not prepared for baby until you have every single baby accessory in the store.  I was naive enough to fall for this "rule". With all the exciting products they have on the market it's hard not to! They have more gadgets and accessories for babies then I have shoes in my closet. Some of them are cool, but I think most moms would agree that a lot of them just end up collecting dust in the nursery. The Diaper Genie is a big offender in this category. Fortunately I knew they were a waste of money (thanks to experienced moms telling me). But there are more than a couple baby items that I fell in love with that I never rarely used. The infant baby bathtub I shopped long and hard till I found one that met my expectations AND my budget. I was very excited to use it once we brought baby home. Well after a couple of hours spent cleaning up the massive amounts of water that spilled out of it we put it away and Gabe got all his baths using just the running faucet in the kitchen at first then graduated to the big boy bathtube at about 6 weeks or so...maybe earlier, those weeks are such a blur.
Bottom line is, rather than buy everything that sounds like it'd be useful, ask other moms what they can't live without, and what is just gathering dust in their nursery. Voila!

The End. For Now. Da Da Dum...